Beacon
by MountAnson
Summary: Sarah steps into her new world with Chuck. After the beach. Canon.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, like a lot you, I have been thinking about what happens after the beach. This is basically what I imagined happened in the immediate aftermath of the kiss. I may continue it into a multi-chapter story that would send them on a new action adventure and how they would re-construct their relationship. Can't promise anything though. This is only my 2nd story, but again, you don't have to be gentle in your comments.

Chuck lost himself in their languid kisses. It felt so natural, her lips on his, bringing his hand to her face, the other softly to her back pulling her closer. He let the tragic events of the last few weeks drift away in his mind and just existed in the connection that immediately rose between them at the touch of her lips to his. Chuck was aware enough, however, to not press for anything more, making sure that his touch didn't show the passion and urgency that he felt swirling in his stomach. He felt instinctively that it was his time to take care of her and to be gentle and loving, and most of all patient, so he just continued to softly kiss and breathe her in. Just being with her again in any intimate way at all flooded his heart with hope, but it also brought an insisting stab of fear that he couldn't help but feel deep in his chest. He was so scared he might spook her knowing how fragile she was right now. He recalled how the Sarah of five years ago might not have let even this happen, so he forced his concentration on trying to relax his lips and let her dictate the moment.

Sarah, however, was not lost in all this kissing. In fact, you could say she felt she had been found or at the very least she finally felt a little peace and relief. She wasn't lost forever; she finally could see that there was someone who could guide her back to her life. It was almost like she finally caught the bottom rung of an elevated ladder rising from the depths of the dark pit she had been trapped in since her memories were gone. Since waking in the hotel room, being lost was all she knew, she was overwhelmed and completely at drift. Nothing made sense to her and the fear and the confusion enveloped her. At first, she tried to grab onto the only thing she knew to be true – she was a spy and a damn good one – and she would follow her CIA orders and get the job done, no matter how ugly the things she had to do were. Finding out these orders were all lies and then finding out the truth of what her life had been in the five years just plunged her deeper into confusion. So many strangers seemingly cared for her. She was told things that she had done that seemed impossible to believe. She didn't seem to know this Sarah in the least. She didn't see anything to guide her out of the fog, not until Chuck found her once again, told her their story, and now kissed her gently on the beach. Chuck was here and Chuck was going to be her lifeline. She just had to trust him.

Sarah finally pulled back from Chuck and he let his hand slip from her face to rest on her neck. He softly rubbed his thumb along her collar bone and just looked at her with a slight lilt of a smile. He was intent that she feel that they were in this together, that they were connected forever. Sarah's gaze moved from his eyes, to the ground between them and back to his eyes as she gathered her courage to tell him what she was thinking. The soft touch of his hand soothed her fear and gave her the confidence she needed. The feeling hit her full force – she was going to trust him. It felt foreign and yet instinctive to her at the same time, she was going to let him lead her out of this haze. Pushing down the fear, Sarah decided she would face this and embrace a new kind of strength. Not the strength that enabled her to deliver a roundhouse kick to a man twice her size, but rather the kind of strength that would allow her to open her heart to him and be a vulnerable real human being. After all, she intellectually knew that she did this before, she would just have to do it all again.

Sarah smiled shyly and a little laugh escaped as her eyes met his once again.

"That was nice"

Chuck returned her comment with a half-smile and questioning eyes. "Yes, it was, but something tells me it wasn't quite magical? Memories didn't just come back?"

Sarah looked down again. "No, no memories came back." She let the sand run through her fingers as she continued. "It was kind of magical though, in a way."

Chuck's smile rose a little higher on his face this time. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Sarah sighed as she arranged the thoughts she had into words that she hoped Chuck could understand. "I felt something, you know? I mean, to be honest, I started to feel something for you while we were in Berlin. Just a connection or something. That tango, it was a bit intense." Sarah smiled as Chuck laughed, both their thoughts returning to the tension they felt in each other's arms that night.

"But these feelings, they scared me and a part of me just wanted to run away from it. But you finding me here now, you telling me our story now," Sarah once again lifted her eyes up from the ground to meet his, "you kissing me now. It all makes me want to find out just what this connection is. It makes me want to trust you. It makes me want to let you help me." She quirked her mouth to the side as her courage wavered a bit and quickly looked out to the sea. Was she making sense to him? Was she doing this right?

Chuck moved his hand once again but now from her neck to her chin and lifted her head up so her eyes met his. "That's all I want to do Sarah. I just want to help you in any way. Look, I would be lying if I said I don't want us to be together again. My strongest desire is for you and I to go back to being how we were, but that's impossible. So now, I just want to do anything I can to make you feel safe again. To make you feel whole again. To help you find your life again." Chuck released her chin and leaned back on his arms behind him in the sand.

They smiled at one another in silence for a bit, until Sarah allowed herself to slowly move her hand from her lap to his knee. She watched her hand travel from his knee to his thigh back to his knee and then repeat itself.

"What comes next, Chuck? I mean, I just can't leap back into our previous life. Where do we go from here?"

Chuck took her hand from his knee as he stood up from the sand, pulling her to her feet. "I think the first thing we do is get out of here. It's getting dark and you are starting to turn blue from the cold."

Brushing the sand from his jeans, Chuck took Sarah's hand in his and they started to walk to their cars.

"Look, let's just take this one day at a time, OK? We don't have to rush anything. You can continue to stay at your hotel if that makes you more comfortable, but I think if it isn't too much for you, you can stay in our apartment – our home." He felt Sarah's hand tense in his and he rushed to continue talking. "Separate beds, of course. I can sleep in Morgan's old room. I just think, you know, your stuff is still there. I know you don't necessarily remember your stuff, but it's still your stuff. And it just might help you remember, being in your own home." Chuck stopped walking and turned to look at her. "Being with me, being together, it might help you remember…if it isn't too hard for you." Chuck grew unsure and he looked down and absently kicked the sand with his shoe as he continued. "I know if will probably feel weird to be there, sharing an apartment with me, but I think it would be better than waking up alone in a hotel room, rattling around in it by yourself. Plus if you have any questions or need anything, I'll be right there and I can help you. I just don't think it is a good idea for you to be alone right now and…and maybe I am rambling a bit now…" Chuck looked at her again and Sarah returned his gaze with a small laugh.

"OK, Chuck," Sarah said. "OK. I think I can handle that. We'll take it one day at a time. Together, one day at a time." She reached for his hand again and pulled him along. He was funny, this guy. The way he talked and talked. And sweet too, he was very, very sweet. Sarah smiled at her thoughts as they reached their respective cars. For the first time in forever, she wasn't feeling very lost. She was actually going someplace. She was going home.

"See you at home then?" Chuck asked as he held the Lotus's door for her.

As she reached for her keys, she found herself saying without thinking, "How about if I picked up some sizzling shrimp on the way home and you go to the store and get some Rocky Road?"

Chuck's heart spun in delight as he closed the door. "Sounds like a plan, Sarah. Sounds like a perfect plan."

Sarah looked at him as she brought the Lotus's engine to its powerful roar. Nodding to the Nerd Herder that Chuck drove, she raised her eyebrows in a challenge. "You think you can beat me home in that thing?"

Chuck smirked. "Sarah, don't knock the Herder. It has many great qualities. It has assisted us on many a mission."

"OK, then, first one home gets the extra shrimp."

"But I love the extra shrimp!" Chuck quickly scrambled to his car. "No fair! The herder can't beat the Lotus! And you're getting a head start to boot!"

Sarah yelled over the revs as Chuck fumbled with his keys trying to open his door. "The shrimp will take more time to get than the ice cream, so you still have the advantage. I warn you though, I am going to try extra hard to beat you – I'm starving." Sarah's face lit up in a brilliant smile and her eyes sparkled with mirth as she dropped the clutch in gear and sped away. Despite the unexpected race and his unquestioned love for sizzling shrimp, Chuck paused for a moment, his hand on the door handle and watched her drive away. He grinned as he let himself be bathed in that smile that he missed so much. He felt her beauty never wavered these past troubled weeks, even as she was lost in the darkest times. But that beauty was truly blinding when she had joy in her heart. It caused her smile to light up and her eyes to seemingly shine with love. He was hopeful for them when she kissed him and he was hopeful for them when she said she was going to trust him. But now, seeing that smile once again, he truly believed that his Sarah would be back and she would be back with him. He watched as the Lotus turned on to the highway and came back past him at increasing speed. A couple of quick honks from her broke his musings and he hurried to get in the car. He had to get going after all, his lady wanted some Rocky Road.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews. I appreciate hearing your thoughts! Adventure may come in additional chapters, but this chapter just continues with Chuck and Sarah as they navigate through their new life.**

Chuck won the race home, greatly aided by Sarah's realization as she drove on the I-10 from the coast to Echo Park, that she had no idea where this thought of sizzling shrimp came from and where in the hell she could get it. In her mind Morgan was associated with it somehow so she took a chance and called him on her Bluetooth. He was beyond thrilled to tell her all about it, and he launched into the story of her first "Evening with Morgan" when he and Chuck took her to Chinatown to pick it up, and then related that somehow her and Chuck never made it back to actually eat it that night with he and Ellie. Now, he was sure that they must have ended up on some super-secret dangerous mission, but at the time, Morgan said, he was crushed at being blown off, even though the blow was cushioned somewhat by the fact he spent a night alone with Ellie instead. He then started to tell her how that was always a goal of the Morgan from way back. At this point Sarah jumped in to cut him off but made sure to tell him to share it with her later. Sarah related that she was in the midst of a race here and just needed the address and phone number to obtain this sizzling shrimp that she somehow knew Chuck loved so much. Morgan stopped talking immediately, after all, who treasured frivolous completion more than Morgan? He even made the call to the Bamboo Dragon himself so it would be waiting for her when she arrived in Chinatown. Even so, Sarah's focus on the phone conversation, along with her attempting to strain her memories a bit with this new information caused her to drive with less intense purpose and she knew the race was lost. Plus, how long could it possibly take to pick up some Rocky Road? At least that's how she rationalized it to herself when she saw the Herder already parked at the apartment when she finally pulled in to a spot. Sarah was a bit shocked when she realized that she felt relief that she lost because it meant that Chuck was already here. She really didn't want to be alone with her thoughts again right now, not even for the extra moments waiting for him, not when her thoughts only contained memories that had huge gaping holes in them.

Chuck made sure to get the most expensive Rocky Road he saw in the store and he also picked up a bottle of nice sparkling wine that caught the corner of his eye. Shrimp went well with that right? He wasn't sure, but dared not take another moment to ask anyone. He really didn't care about winning the race for the extra shrimp, but he did want to be there waiting for her when she got home. He was feeling a bit nervous himself and figured that Sarah must be feeling even more so, so it was probably better for her not to arrive back to their apartment having it be vacant and dark. He wanted it to be inviting and bright for her, so she could feel as comfortable in it as possible. He shuddered a bit as he got back into his car when he realized the last time she was inside their place she was acting as a CIA agent on a mission to have him lead her to the intersect glasses and then to kill him. He shook his head from side to side forcefully. Those types of thoughts were not going to help heal his life and certainly weren't going to help him make Sarah feel whole again. Yes, he knew they couldn't bury forever the events of these past weeks. They needed to address it somehow together. The communication issues they had before taught him that much. However, that could wait for later, that task was far too daunting to deal with on her first night back. Right now, it was about connecting with Sarah and making her feel at ease in his presence. Thinking about her asking him to share some of their history with her on the beach not more than an hour ago made his hope grow even just a bit brighter. She was reaching for him and now he was going to be there for her. He recognized that she was much freer with herself on that beach, compared to the Sarah he first met five years ago, the way she cried and laughed as he told her their story, those were emotions she would not have shared with him then. Maybe that could be chalked up to the extreme situation that she was in, but he hoped that it was also because she felt deep within her that trust they had together. He hoped that it was because she instinctively knew that she could share her feelings with him, she could be herself with him.

Chuck looked around the empty apartment with some trepidation, it seemed off somehow. He felt good about the lighting, not too much, but not too little, he wanted it to seem like a romantic dinner, but not like he was setting her up in some situation to pressure her. He placed the wine, two glasses and some napkins on the coffee table. It would be more casual and easier to talk if they ate away from the dinner table he figured, so that seemed good. Finally he decided it was just too quiet and that music was what they needed. He set up his IPod and began to scroll through his playlists. Arcade Fire? No, no, she was once again not ready for that. Micheal Buble? Nina Simone? A lot of these seemed too on the nose and filled with memories, at least for him. He continued to scroll and fret about each choice presented to him. He knew she would be here any moment and felt a small panic rise up his throat as he debated every option.

Sarah paused at the door suddenly questioning if she should knock. No, this was her apartment and if she was going to be open to accepting her unknown past she was going to have to take ownership of it. After a deep breath provided a smidge of calm to her heart she turned the knob and walked right in.

Chuck jumped from his kneeling position in front of the IPod as she entered, knocking a picture frame to the floor that was beside it in the process. "Whip It" by Devo ended up blasting through the speakers. Chuck cringed, just his luck, that really wasn't the mood-setter he wanted.

"Sarah," he said, his voice lilted a bit upward at the end in surprise. Sarah just looked at him, her eyebrows drawn together in question. "I was just, uh, well I was just trying to play some music and was surprised by the door," he searched for any words that made sense and didn't make him seem even more like a fumbling idiot. He quickly picked up the picture and turned his attention back to the Ipod. "This song isn't really relaxing, uh, let's see, here, I guess this will do." A song by Death Cab for Cutie started playing, the decision made by the band's proximity to Devo in the list of artists. Chuck adjusted the volume down and finally turned back toward Sarah who had closed the door and then set the take out cartons on the coffee table. He was relieved to see a small smile on her face as she lowered herself down onto the couch.

"That's nice, Chuck. Really, this is great." Sarah looked shyly around for a moment and then put her purse and keys on the floor by her feet. Chuck was frozen in his spot, starting at her, hands clasped in front of his chest. Sarah finally brought her eyes back to his and said with as much nonchalance as possible. "So it looks like you won the race. That Nerd Herder really is more than meets the eye, then."

"Yes," Chuck said. "Yes, remember what I said, you can't underestimate her. I got here before you just by the tiniest hair though." Chuck noticed her purse and keys on the floor and moved toward them. "Ah, Sarah, you usually just leave your purse over here by the door," he picked them up and placed her purse on the far table, "and your keys right here on this little plate" he made a show of dropping them on the plate.

"Oh, OK, thank you, yes, that makes sense," Sarah said. She slapped her thighs with her hands. "Well, are you ready to eat? I hope I got everything all right?" She motioned to the Bamboo Dragon boxes she brought as Chuck settled in beside her on the couch.

"It looks terrific," Chuck picked up the wine and lifted a glass. "Do you want some wine? It's sparkling from Spain, I'm not totally sure, but I think someone told me it goes with shrimp well."

"Great, some wine sounds terrific." Sarah took the offered glass with a smile and waited for Chuck to fill his. After setting the bottle back down, Chuck turned to her and they clinked glasses , he rose his eyebrows and toasted, "To new beginnings."

Sarah smiled and they both took a generous gulp of the wine, hoping it would calm some of the increasing nerves they were feeling. Despite the butterflies, they soon settled into the meal and conversation, the atmosphere indeed benefiting from the nice Cava. Chuck was trying his best to keep it light, trying to relieve the burden a little off them both after such a long and intense day. He didn't speak much about their shared memories but instead told a few stories from his Buy More installer days and a couple from his youth, peppered in with just general conversation. Frequent smiles passed between them and Chuck even had Sarah at a full guffaw as he described to Sarah his first attempt at making his famous Chicken Pepperoni by himself for Ellie after his father had left. Sarah agreed that Ellie showed a lot of love for her brother by forcing the burnt chicken past her lips, even after enduring the pre-dinner entertainment of the screaming blare of the smoke alarm as Chuck frantically tried to dissipate the smoke from the kitchen.

Sarah leaned back into the couch and sipped her wine as she watched Chuck eat the last "bonus" piece of shrimp. His eyes suddenly got wider and he swallowed the shrimp down hard, chopsticks frozen in mid-air on their way to the now empty box. "Sarah!" he spurt, "I just realized!" Chuck moved the chopstick in his hand and pointed at the Bamboo Dragon logo on the box while gaping at her. Confused, Sarah stared back waiting for him to continue. "The shrimp! Sarah, I just realized that you obviously remembered that I love sizzling shrimp from here!"

Dawning on her that she never told him of her call to Morgan in the car, she quickly related the story. "So, Chuck, I didn't actually remember the place or really remember anything. Morgan told me where to go." A frustrated resignation came over her and she leaned forward and stared into her glass. Would she ever remember anything again? Would she ever be a whole person again?

Chuck, however, wasn't melancholy in the least, in fact, he felt a wave of excitement move through him. He quickly placed the chopsticks down and moved his arm around her shoulder drawing him closer to him. With his other hand, he took her glass from her and set it down as well, then placed his hand on both of hers on her knee. "But Sarah, you remembered that I liked it and you remembered that Morgan could help you find it. Don't you see? That's something, it has to start somewhere," Chuck's speech quickened as he continued, "This is incredible! It's just like when you re-arranged the cups at Wienerlicious in Berlin and then remembered the porn virus! How did it come to you?"

Chuck's excitement swept into Sarah as well and her melancholy faded away as she felt him pull her closer, felt his warmth from his hands, and heard the hope in his voice. She leaned over into him, "Well, it just came. I don't know from where, it just came out of my mouth without me even thinking about it. I didn't even realize until the car that it was some kind of memory from our time togehter and then the only other thing that seemed connected was Morgan." Sarah's face flushed as she continued, "It was just like the other things you said, like at Wienerlicious, it just felt wrong until I moved the cups, and then it felt right. Do you think more memories, maybe bigger memories will come like that – out of nowhere?" Sarah looked at Chuck, the hope was clearly etched on her face but she still held a thin shield over it protecting her from the disappointment that seemed so possible. The shield fell away immediately though, because Chuck just beamed back at her, his grin overpowering his face and his eyes glinting with happy tears. He moved his head towards her and kissed her flush on the lips, a quick kiss of full joy that she accepted naturally, his arm squeezing her shoulder. "I don't know, Sarah, it seems like it might be that way." Chuck transferred his hand from hers to her other shoulder and then turned her to face him, both of his hands gently rubbing her shoulders and arms as he spoke. "Maybe pressing for the memories isn't the answer. Maybe just be and when something comes up like this you can then think about it and see if you can connect it with anything and that will lead to more of the memory like a chain, right? Maybe just try to relax and live and then they will just come on their own." Chuck tried to temper his excitement a bit by taking a deep breath before he continued. "Look, let's not get ahead of ourselves. I think this is great news, the best news. I just don't want you to feel pressured by me, OK? Of course, I want them to come not only for you, but for me too. But if it takes a long time, or even if it never all comes back to you, I just want you to know that you being here and being open to our life, not only what we had in the past, but what we can build in the future, well, that's what matters to me. I just want to help you, Sarah. I want you to feel safe." Chuck stopped talking, his hands stilled at either side of her neck and he gave her his best grin. Sarah curled her hands up from her lap, grasping each of Chuck's wriss in her hands.

"I do feel safe. For the first time since this happened, I feel safe and…" Sarah paused, feeling her cheeks redden again with nervous excitement. She shyly looked down for a moment before returning her gaze back to Chuck's and continuing, "well, I feel hopeful too, and excited," Sarah paused again, her focus moving from his eyes to his lips and back again. "And I feel right, it all feels so right, being here with you." Chuck barely registered her last words, instead his mind was a dizzy swirl as he watched her tilt her head up towards him, her lips at a slight part as he met her halfway and they connected into a deep kiss. He moved his hands from her neck to the sides of her face and Sarah's hands slid down his arms to reach around his body drawing him to her. She pulled back for an instant, changing her angle and parted her lips more and then dove back in, this time her tongue seeking contact with his. Chuck was up for the challenge, moving his arms now around Sarah. They both held each other tight, continuing the make-out with their hands clutching at each other's backs as they kissed. This continued for a bit until Sarah slowed the pace, loosening her tight clasp around his torso, letting both their bodies settle back down to the back of the sofa, their kisses relaxing into a slow rhythm. Having felt Sarah pull back, Chuck finally broke their lips apart, letting his arm fall across the back of the couch and around her shoulder once again. They both smiled at each other and Sarah leaned her head onto his shoulder. They spent another half hour in comfortable silence, half-listening to the music, letting the exhaustion of the day slowly take over them. After noticing Sarah's eyes dropping lower, Chuck took her hand and led her to their bedroom, stopping at their door. Chuck lifted her chin with his hand and answered her unsure gaze.

"You need some sleep, we both do." Chuck kissed her softly on her cheek. "Let's take this one day at a time, remember?" Sarah smiled. Her tiredness made her weak and she was glad of Chuck's patience, "Thank you Chuck. See you in the morning?"

"You can count on it, Sarah. See you in the morning," He couldn't help but hug her tight and give her one more kiss but this time on her lips. They lingered for a long moment and then Chuck released her with a smile and a good night and then turned back to the living room. A contentment that was long absent came over his body as he settled in for the night on the couch. Their third first date was a success.


	3. Chapter 3

All things considering, Sarah slept fairly well. The combination of the wine and actually being relaxed for the first time since she awakened without her memories allowed her to simply drift into sleep only minutes after lying down. She stayed in bed for a bit in the morning, giving her some time to go over the events of the previous day. Chuck had been so strong for her. And patient. And understanding. And funny. And sweetly nervous. She clicked these things off in her head, cracking a smile as she thought of him fumbling with the Ipod and the picture falling to the floor. It was obvious to Sarah, not only from the previous nights "date", but even more so from Chuck's actions throughout the whole ordeal that he was a good man. She frowned a bit thinking that it was actually more than that. Yes, he was a good man, but there was just something special about him. And something special about the effect he had on her. He looked at her with such a pure and open heart. It was easy to be with him last night and easy for her to relax and feel at ease with him. Sarah smiled as the thoughts drifted in her mind. She could actually see it now, see how she could fall in love with him. At first glance, he just appeared to be some random, normal guy, nothing special. Now, that she had seen how he fought for her, fought for everyone in the audience as the bomb threatened, how his family and friends all obviously loved him, how he put his safety and feelings below everyone else's. Yes, he was more than a good man, he was a great man. And he had a sweet quirky smile that caused her to involuntary respond with her own. And he had a funny way of telling a story. And he had a gentle hand when he touched her. And he had one hell of a terrific kiss. Sarah's cheeks flushed at the last thought. He was also more than likely just in the next room still sleeping on the couch, and with that she felt a wave of nervous butterflies rise through her stomach. Was she really nervous? This is ridiculous, Sarah thought, I do not get nervous.

Whipping the covers off, Sarah marched to her dresser and put on some pajama pants. She was Sarah Walker, for God's sake, and she was a confident and accomplished young woman. Guys were always swooning for her. She didn't have patience for these nerves. This was her life and she was going to live it. She still wore the t-shirt she slept in. It was black and had the British flag on the front. It didn't seem like something she would buy, but it was the one she settled on last night as she looked through the drawers. She liked it for some reason. As she put her hand on the door knob to leave, she looked back and glanced around the room. Was there a mirror in here somewhere? She spotted one on the far dresser by the closet door. She shook her head disgustedly at herself. She did not need to look at the mirror just to go eat breakfast with Chuck.

She found herself staring. When she entered the living room, Chuck was still asleep. She wasn't surprised as not only had they both had a long and tiring day, but he was sleeping on a couch that wasn't long enough by far. His legs were scrunched up in order to fit and he was kind of balled up as tight as possible. It was probably not very conductive to getting a good night's sleep. What made her smile was the fact that the blanket he had was tightly wrapped around him all the way up to his chin. He looked like he was in a cocoon, snug as a bug. She wondered if he slept like that always. Surely not when she was lying next to him? She would never want to be sleeping with the covers like that. His morning scruff gave her heart a little flip as well. He kind of looked sexy, at least as sexy as one can look with a blanket pulled up to their neck.

Chuck took this moment to suddenly open his eyes. Immediately a contented smile appeared on his face. No drifting awake for him this morning.

"Good Morning." He said with a scratchy throat.

Sarah jolted a bit, realizing that he had caught her watching him. "Uh, good morning Chuck," Sarah stammered while averting her attention to seemingly picking up the scattered debris left over from last night's meal. The exhaustion took them quickly last night and they had never gotten around to cleaning up.

Chuck picked up on her embarrassment and his smile grew a bit wider. "Were you staring at me?" Chuck teased.

"No, no, don't be silly," Sarah said as she clutched the empty Bamboo Dragon boxes in her hand. "I just didn't want to wake you while I cleaned up." She grabbed some discarded napkins for good measure, daring not to look at him and quickly went to the kitchen. "Uh, so, Chuck, what do you usually do for breakfast? I mean, I guess, what do WE usually do for breakfast?"

Chuck had gotten up and stood behind the bar looking at her in the kitchen. Sarah threw the trash away and finally returned his gaze with a slight smile. His hair was a mess, the top slightly flattened on one side and pushed up on the other. The couch had given him a severe case of bed head. To Sarah's mind, if anything, it made him look even cuter. She once again felt a flush rise on her cheeks. What did her hair look like? Why didn't she let herself check herself in the mirror?

"Uh, what do we usually do for breakfast? Well, to be honest, we both drink a lot of coffee and I usually just eat some cereal and you some fruit or something." Chuck answered.

"So you're saying I didn't become a gourmet cook in these past four years?" Sarah smirked.

"Ha, no, we have been too busy saving the world, I guess." Chuck smiled and shrugged. "But, we did cook occasionally, both of us. And we are getting better. I can make pancakes even, if you like?"

Chuck started to move around the bar to join her in the kitchen, but Sarah raised her hand before he got far. "No, that's ok. Go ahead and sit, you had to sleep on the couch, let me get it. I can actually make a pretty good omelet, that is if we have any eggs and some vegetables." Sarah turned toward the refrigerator to take inventory and continued. "Do you like omelets? Or would you rather just stick with your cereal?"

"No, an omelet sounds great. And you make good omelets, for the record." Chuck settled down in a bar chair and watched as Sarah gathered the eggs and other ingredients on the counter.

"So it's not a first then, I did indeed cook for you on occasion?"

"Oh, on occasion." Chuck then excitedly proceeded as he suddenly remembered something. "In fact, I can tell you the first time you ever made me an omelet! It was a revelation to me in a way."

Sarah drew her eyebrows together in confusion. "A revelation? Really? I think I make a perfectly decent omelet, but I don't know that I would go that far." Sarah found the pan in a cabinet and proceeded to work.

Chuck laughed. "Well, no, the omelet wasn't the revelation. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was good and all. But it was the fact that you made it for me and that you didn't do it for cover, and the fact that you enjoyed making it. That was the revelation." Chuck sighed with happiness at the memory and then went on to recount the story of their mission undercover in the suburbs to her. How they pretended to be married, with dog and all. How surprised he was when he came down the stairs in the morning only to find her cooking breakfast for him. He also told her of the end of that mission, how yet another version of the intersect almost killed her, but instead saved them by killing the Fulcrum agents who held them captive instead.

"You weren't kidding when you said the intersect played a part in our lives in all sorts of ways, were you?" Sarah said as she slid on the bar stool beside him setting down their plates in front of them in the process.

"No, I wasn't. The intersect has played a role in so many things in our lives." Chuck looked at Sarah with concern. The intersect had played THE pivotal role. It stole her memories of them together. It played a part in his father's death. It had also been the catalyst for them to meet, however, and it was one of the forces, along with her of course, that pushed him to grow up, that pushed him to live to his potential. "But it's gone now, it can't hurt us anymore. The intersect is destroyed and we are in a new phase in our lives now."

"A new phase in our lives, no kidding." Sarah joked trying to lighten the mood. Pointing to the omelet in front of him, she said, "So are you afraid to try it? I promise I didn't forget how to make it. I knew how way before five years ago."

Chuck smiled and took a big piece with his fork as Sarah watched. It was good and it was the same. He gave her a grin. "Excellent as always, babe, thank you for making it." Chuck realized he had called her babe immediately after he said it and turned to her with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, it's just habit. I have been trying to watch it, but sometimes it slips out."

Sarah placed her hand on his arm. "Chuck don't worry. I don't mind. It's sweet." Their eyes locked for a moment before Sarah removed her hand after a final squeeze of his arm and returned to eating. "So you just said I slapped you in front of the neighbors on that mission. Sorry about that, hope it didn't hurt too much?"

"Ha, no, well it did hurt a little, but it was good thinking on your part. Not the only time you slapped me by the way."

Sarah looked at him in surprise. She slapped him a lot? That didn't sound like her. "It wasn't? I'm sorry. Did we fight a lot? That doesn't seem right."

Chuck gaped at her realizing what she thought. "Oh, no, not like that. They were all "fake" slaps, mission related." Chuck air quoted fake for her.

"Oh, good. I'm glad to hear that. So all mission related, I never hurt you then."

"Well, one time I do think you put a little more into it than was necessary." Chuck thought about how she demanded he kiss her when he hijacked her and Casey's mission after he failed at Intersect 2.0 training. And then about how she slapped him hard when her mark approached. He winced a little. "It was after Prague, remember how I told you about Prague on the beach yesterday?"

Sarah remembered the Prague story and could see from his look that he didn't like remembering. Maybe it was good that she didn't actually know the story for herself and so couldn't associate any hurt feelings with it. On the beach, Chuck cried some as he told her about it, silently pleading for forgiveness again for hurting her and not communicating his reasons for doing so effectively at the time. Now, Sarah looked him in the eyes trying to will him to understand that it was ok. She obviously had gotten over it before. "I remember, but I don't think you told me about this mission with the slapping? Do you mind telling me now?"

Chuck did so, telling her his astonishment at being able to play the guitar, his fingers independently moving effortlessly on the strings. He told her how they zip-lined from the top of a building using only his belt and a wire and how Casey saved the day with some serious firepower and a helicopter rescue. They continued this way for some time as they lingered over their empty plates. Chuck told some stories which would lead into other stories and Sarah would occasionally interrupt him with questions or comments.

"It's 10:30 already." Chuck remarked.

"What? No way." Sarah glanced about for a clock to confirm. Yep, it was 10:30. They had talked for over 2 and a half hours.

"Why don't you go ahead and take a shower and I will clean up." Chuck rose and started to get the plates together. "Uh, what did you want to do today?"

Sarah was still a bit thrown by the fact that she had just sat there and talked with him for such a long time and yet it felt like no time at all. "Uh, well, I guess I don't know. What were you going to do?"

"I actually should go to Castle and clear some of our stuff out of there. It has to be all out pretty soon and I haven't even started. It needs to be empty before the new owners take complete possession. You could, uh," Chuck paused and turned to her. "You could go with me. Or if you want to be alone, I understand, too. If you want to be alone, well then I could stay away all day and you could do whatever, until I come home." Chuck looked down and shuffled his feet pulling down on his t-shirt on the front.

Sarah looked back at him. Chuck was putting this all on her, probably because he didn't want to pressure her. But maybe he wanted to be alone for a while? She was unsure what he was thinking. She read him as nervous. If he was nervous, she suspected that he wanted her to go with him. That was good, she didn't want to putt around the apartment all day alone and she didn't really know where else she would go. "Uh, would you mind if I came too? I don't want you to have to do that all by yourself, I'd like to help, unless you want to be alone...?" Sarah trailed off waiting for Chuck to respond.

Chuck looked up with a relieved smile. She read him right. "No, I would love for you to come. I just wanted to be sure you would be comfortable. And I'd like your help." Chuck smirked. "After all, it's only fair because all that stuff is half yours, you know."

Sarah cocked her head. "Yeah, that's right, I guess it is half mine." She smiled. "Well, let's get ready then!" And with that, Sarah turned towards the hall for the bathroom door.

There were loads to go through. The armory alone had way too many weapons for a small private security firm like Carmichael Enterprises. Chuck explained to her that they let Casey go a little overboard on the buying spree when they first formed up their company. The man loved any and all kind of weaponry and plus it was a nice incentive for Casey in order to help reconcile some of the difficulties he had in working with the private sector. Morgan thought it was cool too. They decided they would leave sorting out the armory for another day. They needed to get a secure storage area someplace for the kind of firepower they had even if they sold some of it off. Sarah did take a long look at a nice Smith & Wesson that she liked and mentally she noted that she wanted to keep it. It differed from her old favorite a bit as it had a stainless slide, but she liked the new look. It must be some updated model that came out in recent years, as she never had seen it before. She smiled as she realized it was probably hers anyway. Smith & Wessons were her thing and she knew that some things never changed. A girl just loved certain makers of guns more than others. As Chuck started with packing some of the electronic and computer equipment, Sarah started boxing up the stuff at each workspace, saving hers for last. She sorted through her files and papers with care, reading each file name and sometimes going through all the contents as well. There weren't really a lot of papers, she assumed most of it was on computer anyway, but still there was enough. Most of it seemed pretty straightforward, but she did come across a portfolio with several folders inserted in it. It contained notes, written by Sarah herself, her thoughts and ideas about what direction Carmichael Industries could go after it withdrew itself from the more dangerous work. It was weird and a little unsettling to be reading her own writing when it was unknown to her, having no memories of having written it, but she could recognize her own voice within it. She obviously had been excited about it, sometimes she had scribbled little phrases off to the side, complete with exclamation points, the writing all but bubbled with enthusiasm. As she read through it, that excitement spread unconsciously to her present feelings. It seemed doable at first glance, especially if Chuck had these amazing computer skills that she referred to in the notes that she only had a glimpse of so far. They really could do this and have their own company. Well, technically they already had their own company, but they could reinvent it. She didn't have to follow morally questionable orders anymore. She didn't have to sacrifice a little part of herself each mission. She didn't have to cheat death on a daily basis. Despite not remembering the past five years, Sarah could not deny that she felt weary, she felt the fatigue in her bones, not even mentioning the mental and emotional strain she was currently experiencing. This could give her a new focus, one that she could share with Chuck. They could create new memories together, they create new lives together. She felt the excitement. She wanted this.

"Sarah?" Chuck interrupted her as he approached her at the desk. "Everything all right? You seem a little lost there." He was glowing a bit from the exertion of packing and moving lots of boxes around. He had them all stacked neatly at the base of the stairs. They were going to have to rent a truck the next few days. The Lotus was not renowned for its storage room. Sarah felt a bit bad as she realized that he moved most of them already. She hadn't really helped much at all.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry, Chuck. I would've helped you move those. I got lost in reading this stuff I guess." Sarah nodded her head towards the papers in her hands.

Chuck moved around behind her and took a look. "What is it? Just some of your papers?"

"Yeah. I wrote out notes and stuff about our company. It's interesting. You haven't read them?"

"No, I haven't. Sarah, you only started to put this stuff together during our last mission. Just before I was taken by Quinn. The only thing I really know is we were going to combat cyber terrorism. I mean, I have thought about it a little since then, but I don't know any of the specifics of your ideas. You find them interesting?" Chuck placed a hand on her shoulder as he looked at the papers she held. She seemed happy about this development and he was trying to contain his excitement over her enthusiasm. He didn't want to scare her off or get his hopes up too high.

Sarah shuffled the papers together and carefully replaced them in the portfolio. "I do. I am going to take them home with us and we can look them over together. I mean, I think there are some good ideas in here." Sarah blushed as she rose and turned towards him. "If I do say so myself."

Chuck dropped his hands to his side and smiled. "I think its ok to brag a little, Sarah. It's no surprise to me that you're full of good ideas. You're not only a kick-ass spy, but you're one of the smartest people I know."

Sarah shyly glanced down letting the compliment wash over her. "Thanks Chuck. My notes seem to indicate that I think pretty highly of your intelligence myself."

"Is that so? You think Chuck Bartowski isn't just all charm, then? Chuck gave her his grin and a small eyebrow dance.

Sarah laughed. "Well, there's plenty of charm it seems too." They shared another long look. "I think we can do this Chuck. I think Carmichael Industries could really exist outside the spy world."

Chuck looked at her. She wanted to talk about THEIR future with him, TOGETHER. The words elated him. It was getting impossible to hold back his excitement at her attitude. "So you want to try this? You want to do this with me?" Chuck was referring to running their company, but he was also asking about things even bigger. Sarah understood. She saw the hope burning in his eyes. She hoped Chuck could read her feelings too. She wasn't quite sure how to express them in words and so she did what her heart told her to do. She moved her hands quickly to the side of his face and kissed him. He responded immediately, no "shocked at being kissed" delay this time. He grasped her with his arms and pulled her against his body. It felt good to both of them. It felt right and natural. They kissed some more until they finally broke apart from one another. Their faces lingering close together with their noses slightly touching.

"You're an excellent kisser, Chuck." Sarah whispered. "Just so you know."

Chuck smiled. "All credit goes to my partner."

Sarah pulled her head back and looked at him, her hands falling from his face to his hips. "Is it ok, if we don't go any farther just yet? I mean I want to, but, I don't know, I am just not quite ready."

Chuck bent his head so it was level with hers. "Sarah, of course its ok. No pressure." He moved a step back and slid his hands down her arms comfortingly. "I am so happy right now with this, are you kidding? No way I could be disappointed. It's more than I could've hoped for, ok? Please don't worry."

"Thank you." Sarah looked over Chuck's body with a hint of concern. "You look a little beat." Sarah moved her arms to his chest and the front of his shirt where it was slightly damp. "And a little sweaty." She winked at him. "Why don't we pick up lunch." Sarah looked at her watch and noted that it was already almost 5 pm. "Or I guess pick up early dinner on the way home and we can talk over this stuff. It's time we move on and figure out what we are going to do with everything, don't you think?"

"Absolutely." Chuck gave her his arm. "Nothing would make me happier." Sarah leaned her body into Chuck a little as she linked her arm in his. They smiled at each other as they approached the stairs to exit Castle together.

"Let's go then, Mr. Walker." Chuck did a double take at Sarah's words. Did she remember calling him that before? He wasn't going to mention it, instead he was just going to let it be. Chuck squeezed her into him again as they walked.

"Let me lead the way, Mrs. Bartowski."

**So I wasn't going to make this a minute-by-minute, day-by-day story, but I felt starting it out that way might set a nice foundation. Expect some slight time jumps in future installments.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay everyone. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The evening started off well. Chuck and Sarah comfortably ate their early dinner and talked over some of Sarah's business plans that they found in her notebook. They each threw out different ideas and discussed them lively, without hesitation or awkwardness. Nothing was concrete yet, but they both decided they would try to make some appointments to view several different commercial vacancies around the city. Sarah had several addresses already listed from before, but a few appeared to be already leased after Chuck did a quick internet search; however, many new ones had become available as well. They were both pretty excited by the future and concentrated on that being sure to avoid any talk of the past or about regaining Sarah's memories. It was a relief to focus on moving forward for once. They finally curled up on the couch to close out the night with a movie, Sarah naturally snuggling into Chuck's side. Chuck suggested watching Thor, saying it was pretty mindless fun that he could watch again. Thor wasn't his favorite Marvel superhero by any stretch, but it was still a superhero movie.

"So have I seen it?" Sarah said.

Chuck raised his eyebrows. "Uh, yes, we watched it together at the theatre when it first came out."

"And did I like it?" Sarah smirked. It spoke a lot that she could joke even a little about her memory loss. Just a day or two ago, the thought that she couldn't even remember the movies she had seen in the past five years would have brought frustrated tears that she would have had to blink away.

Chuck turned to her with an uncertain look on his face. "I remember you laughing a bit. There are some funny moments you enjoyed."

Sarah playfully narrowed her eyes a bit at Chuck. "You're sure? You wouldn't be getting me to watch some nerdy movie with you for a second time when I didn't even like it the first time now would you?"

Chuck raised his hands in defense. "Now I am not saying you became an unabashed superhero fan or Thor groupie or anything, but you liked it, I swear. I did have to drag you to the theatre opening night, but you came and you liked. Trust me."

Sarah pulled back her shoulder from Chuck and bumped it back to his. "Well ok, then. I'll believe you. Now if you had said that I had dressed up for the midnight showing or something, I would be less likely to believe you. And as for me becoming a Thor groupie, well that would just be impossible."

Sarah settled back against Chuck as he pulled his arm tighter around her and fired up the DVD player with his other hand. As the opening sequence started to roll, Sarah's head popped back up to look at Chuck again.

"Do you dress up for movie premieres and stuff like that? I mean, I know that there is that picture of us dressed up with me in some sort of metallic bikini top, but that was for Halloween, right?"

Chuck looked at her with the most serious expression he could muster. "Well, that was for Comic Con, honey. Whenever we got a chance between missions, we would go to all sorts of conventions across the country." Sarah's brows furrowed and her face twisted into her most perplexed expression, but Chuck plowed on without missing a beat. "You loved it, the skimpier the costume the better as far as you were concerned. I think you were thinking of going as Catwomen for the new Batman movie this summer."

"Wh-what?" Sarah struggled to believe what she was hearing. "I was going to dress up as Catwomen to go to a movie? You're telling me that I dressed up as comic book characters for fun?"

"Not always, sometimes characters from your favorite TV shows too." Chuck grinned at the end of his remark. He didn't want to take this too far. He laughed and pulled her closer. "I'm sorry, that was too easy." Sarah gave him a punch to the bicep this time in lieu of a friendly shoulder bump. "You did dress up for me on Halloween once in the costume in the picture. That picture, though, was a fake you had made for our cover relationship. You brought it to me pretty soon after we met for our cover."

"So we still have a fake cover picture displayed in our room?" Sarah grew puzzled once again. "Why would we do that?"

"Well, it still meant something to us, Sarah." Chuck thought for a bit. "I mean, yes it was a fake picture, but right after you gave it to me, we went through some stuff. I spent some time with another asset and he kind of convinced me that you and Casey didn't care about me and that I was just something the CIA would use and throw away, but by the end of the whole thing I found out that I could trust you. You made me believe that behind all the cover fakery was something real. You did take a real picture of us at the Halloween party and you were in that costume and I was in a suit and tie, but that picture didn't turn out as well, so the fake picture ended up being the only real picture that reminded us of that time. Kind of weird I guess." Chuck shrugged and smiled.

"Yeah. Kind of. " Sarah turned back towards the movie. "Thanks for telling me."

* * *

Sarah did laugh a bit through the movie and it had some nice action sequences, so she kind of liked it, but she was also bored in parts as well. She idly picked up her notebook from her portfolio again and absently flipped though her notes as she paid half attention to Thor and his family problems playing out on the TV. She was pretty content. She was feeling more comfortable with Chuck, they had enjoyed discussing some ideas on how to proceed with their company, and she was able to push aside the constant thoughts of her lost memories at least for a bit. Chuck's arm felt safe and warm over her shoulders and her body felt good curled up against him. She flipped to the next page. Something she had written in the margin caught her eye. It was a series of four names. Maya Jaye Bartowski; Stephen Lane Bartowski; Stephanie Lane Bartowski; Landon Stephen Bartowski. Sarah's heart started to rapidly pound. These were possible children's names. Names she had obviously been considering for her and Chuck's future children, HER children. Sarah Walker had grown into somebody who scribbled baby names in notebooks. Her hand froze on the page, her body stiffened. How did Sarah Walker, wild card CIA agent extraordinaire, get to that point? If only she could remember the path that lead her there. It seemed like such an impossible leap to her, yet the reality in her own handwriting was staring at her in the face. A gloomy despair fell over her once again. Quinn had taken so much. The cruelty and unfairness of it all fogged her mind. Anger and frustration blasted to the surface, and sadness, so much sadness. She closed the book and set it on the table in front of the couch. Schooling her features into a neutral expression she turned towards the movie once again. Chuck hadn't noticed the sudden change in her mood and she didn't tip her hand. The second half of the movie passed by without Sarah comprehending a word. Her mind veered from despair to anger, from belief to doubt. All hidden away from Chuck who was oblivious to the state of his wife's mind. He was lost in a hopeful happy dream at the moment. Happy that his wife was cuddled up to him, watching a movie on a Tuesday night, just like countless other happily married couples across the city. Only when the ending credits came to their conclusion did he even slightly suspect that something had caused his wife to withdraw.

"So what's the verdict, Sarah? I am thinking maybe you didn't like it as much this time, you grew so quiet?" Chuck watched his wife as she moved to sit up away from him. "Did you like it?"

Sarah struggled to raise a slight smile on her face as she looked at Chuck. "No… I mean yes, yes, I liked it. It was pretty good."

Chuck drew his head back at her answer. "That doesn't sound too convincing. Sarah, you don't have to like it, its ok if you don't." Chuck cocked his head as he took in her unfocused gaze. She seemed a bit lost, he realized, she suddenly seemed disconnected again. "Are you ok? Is everything all right?"

Sarah found some strength to focus on Chuck and steel her emotions. "Yes, Chuck, I'm sorry, I'm just a little tired. You know, we were talking about such important things all day, I think I just have my brain feeling a bit overloaded. Do you mind if I head to bed?"

"No, of course not." Chuck took her hand in his and softly rubbed it with his thumb. "I hope I didn't overdo things and press too hard on you today. If it gets too much, just say the word, it's just that you seemed so excited…"

"And I am excited, Chuck. I am. Like I said, I'm just tired." Sarah rose off the couch and bent down to Chuck giving him a brief kiss on his lips. "Good night. I will see you in the morning and we can make those appointments like we talked about. Ok?"

"Ok." Chuck couldn't hide his worry and grasped Sarah's hand once more before she turned to walk away. "You can talk to me, you know, about how you're feeling. I just want to help you."

Sarah turned back to him. He looked so concerned it made her heart tremor. She hoped that he couldn't feel her hand slightly shaking in his. She just didn't have the strength right now to go through it all, to talk to him about it. She just wanted to close her eyes and make it go away. It was better when it was forgotten. The pain at the loss of this memory, this feeling, was just too much for her to handle.

"I know, Chuck. I'm fine, really." Sarah pulled her hand from his and went to the bedroom.

* * *

Sleep didn't come easily for either of the Bartowskis that night. Chuck worried on the couch. Sarah struggled with her thoughts in their bed. Finally, both fell into a fitful sleep, separate from the other half of their heart.

Sarah dreamed of a perfect backyard, it seemed like an elaborate English Garden complete with hidden benches canopied by trellises and overhanging trees. It went on forever and every time she turned, a new corner was revealed or a new path was found. As she walked deeper into the garden she could hear faint voices. She recognized Chuck's voice barely above the bushes and flowers accompanied by children's laughter and singing. She knew instinctively that they were their children, her children, and she was increasingly desperate to get to them. Every time she followed the path that seemed to lead to them, the voices would move. They were at once behind her, in front of her, even above her. Sarah picked up the pace and began to run up and down the endless paths never finding them. She had no idea how to reach them. Sarah Walker could not track them down. Tears ran down her face and she called out to Chuck. She wanted to call out to her babies as well, but she could not remember their names. What kind of mother doesn't remember her own children's name? She grabbed her head in agony and dropped to the dirt path. What kind of mother was she? How could she forget?

Sarah awoke with a start, her body jerking forward. Her heart was racing and her hands shaking. What kind of person was she that she could forget all these beautiful memories? How could she forget the person she became? How could she forget the children she wanted to have? Chuck's name was still stuck in her throat. She was calling for him in her dream. He can help her, he wanted to help her. She just had to find the strength to ask. Sarah pushed the covers back and walked on shaky legs to the living room. Chuck was asleep on the couch, flat on his back, his eyes fluttering fitfully. Sarah hesitated, her arm almost to his shoulder.

"Chuck." His name came from her throat involuntarily, betraying her need for him. "Chuck, wake up." She said it stronger this time and accompanied it with a light shake of his shoulder. She felt a tear escape and roll down her cheek.

Chuck's eyes opened, his hand immediately moving to hers. "Sarah? Sarah, are you ok?" He rubbed his eyes awake with his other hand as he sat up and quickly wrapped his arms around her. Sarah fell into him, feeling the security of his arms. "Sarah, honey, please tell me what's wrong."

Sarah stayed in his embrace. "Just a bad dream, I'm sorry to wake you, but…" Sarah pulled back and looked at Chuck. She was reluctant to remove her arms from him. "Can you come to bed? Stay with me tonight?"

Chuck looked in her eyes and moved his hand to wipe her light tears. "Of course, honey, let's get you to bed." He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and led her back to the bedroom, tucking her into her side. As he slid in next to her, Sarah immediately clung to his body, burying her face into his t-shirt while silent tears fell from her eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it? Tell me about your dream?" Chuck asked as he soothingly ran his hand up and down her back.

Sarah couldn't speak and so she just shook her head on his chest.

"Ok, ok, you're all right now, Sarah. You're all right. Go back to sleep. I'm here." Chuck waited patiently, quietly stroking Sarah's hair and back as he watched her eventually grow still. Worry creased his face as his eyes finally closed and he joined her in a restless sleep.

* * *

Sarah awoke in the early morning light. Her head was still on Chuck's chest, her hand still clutching him across his body. He had his arms wrapped around her. She stayed still and let her thoughts take over. She had this in her life now. Sarah Walker had THIS. A man who loved her and who wanted to take care of her, a man who promised to be with her for their rest of their lives. Chuck had already proved his promises a hundred times over, Sarah thought. He was still here even after this nightmare of lost memories, only showing patience and love. She had to share what she was feeling with him, no matter how much her mind rebelled at the thought of being so vulnerable.

Sarah stayed still for a long time, feeling Chuck's breathing under her. His rhythm seemed a bit ragged, she imagined he was troubled just as she was. They truly shared this, she realized, Chuck shared her sadness, her anger, her pain. She finally tilted her head to look at his. His eyes were active, just as she noticed last night. The corner of his mouth contorted into a small spasm when he moved his head slowly back and forth. Sarah placed her hand on his face, gently stroking his cheek, feeling his morning scruff under her fingertips. His head stilled a bit, his features relaxed and settled content. She smiled at his reaction. He needed her too, she could help him, he said himself that their marriage was a true partnership. She thought back to some of the stories he told her on the beach and some of the ones he shared later over dinner. He saved her, she saved him, that seemed to be their deal. She remembered how Chuck said that her support meant everything to him. He told her that he had been lost when he first got the intersect and lost again countless times after and that she always served as his guide, his beacon, lighting the way to find the path his life should take until they eventually decided that they would find a path to walk on together. She knew she could trust him to guide her back to that path. Keeping her hand on his cheek she moved her lips to his chin and gave him a soft kiss. That was enough for his eyes to flutter open.

He grinned at the soft sensation of her kisses as she continued up from his chin to his ear. His grin only grew wider as he felt her lips and tongue envelop his ear lobe, until a thought busted through the wonderful sensation. He tightened his grip around her body and with his other hand gently moved her head back and pushed her hair from her eyes which now looked square into his.

"That's a great way to awaken, but Sarah, honey, are you ok? Last night was pretty rough." Chuck's concern and care radiated off him.

"It was." Sarah answered as she didn't let her eyes depart from his. "But let's talk about it later, right now I just need you. I need to feel close to you" She then moved her lips to his and they shared a deep kiss.

Chuck responded naturally, but after a moment something pulled him back. He wanted to be sure she was ready. "Sarah, don't do this because you think it is what I want. Let's do this only when you are ready. I think we should talk about your dream and what upset you first, we can't run away from our problems."

Sarah shook her head. "I promise you we will talk about it. I promise." Sarah watched as she slid her fingers slowly over his lips feeling them against her fingertips. Her eyes went back up to his. "I just need you now, Chuck, I need to feel you."

Chuck and Sarah shared a long look. The pain was evident in both their eyes but so was the love. Chuck felt the need pass between them and once again let his fingers drift through her hair as he pushed it back. They came together and began to kiss. Deep and slow, tender and gentle they touched one another until they were skin against skin, heartbeat against heartbeat. This wasn't the passionate love that you fantasize about and that they shared on so many occasions in the past. This was something deeper. Their love making that morning was an understanding, a slow burning desire, an all-consuming need, an expression of their true, never ending love.

* * *

They nestled against one another, the sheets barely covering their bodies. Sarah dragging her fingers endlessly across the hairs on his chest. Chuck felt her tucked into his chin as he kept his hold tight around her waist drawing her into him.

Sarah's hand paused in her movement just for a moment. "I love you Chuck." Her hand continued its endless loop.

"I love you too, Sarah. I love you too." They were quiet once again for several minutes until Sarah sighed pushing herself off of Chuck and settling in against the headboard turning to face him.

"So, I know it's important that we share and communicate." Sarah felt herself blush. "I figure that's what married couples do."

Chuck pushed himself higher on the headboard and placed his hand softly on Sarah's. "Well, it took us a while to figure that out before, but yes, that's what married couples do, or at least it's what they should do." Chuck looked at their joined hands and squeezed hers. He requested softly, "Tell me about your dream?"

"Tell you about my dream. Ok." She paused. "It actually started before the dream, wait, let me get something." Sarah got up out of bed and walked quickly out of the room, only to return with the portfolio containing her notes.

"Your notebook? Is it something to do with our business?" Chuck puzzled as she sat back down next to him.

"No, it's not anything like that. Most of what I wrote in here indeed as to do with Carmichael Industries, but I doodled some other stuff too." Sarah began to flip through the book looking for the page she stumbled upon last night.

"Like what?" Chuck scooted closer to her and bent over her a little to improve his view of the pages.

Sarah had found the spot and felt the familiar melancholy overcome her. She had her hand over the writing and turned to Chuck. "Chuck, I found something that I wrote that really got to me last night and I think it will hit you kind of hard too. I don't want to upset you, but it's something we should probably face and talk about."

Chuck's feeling of curiosity was only slightly more than the sudden pang of fear and anxiety he felt. What could Sarah have written that would upset him so much? Sarah moved her hand from the page and tapped her finger to something in the margin. Names, there were four names written by her and they all ended with Bartowski. At first Chuck didn't get it, but after only a couple of moments the thought struck him. He recalled when he awoke one early morning not long ago to find Sarah on the computer looking up baby names. That was what these were, Sarah's musings on possible names for their future children. He felt the lump rising quickly in his throat. Quinn had ripped their future from them. His and Sarah's dream of raising a family together was so close and just a hair's reach away when her memories were stolen, robbing her of the contentment she finally felt that had taken them both so long to reach. Chuck couldn't stall the tears that quickly dropped from his eyes.

Sarah was watching him and as she saw the tears start to drop, she reached over and grasped his hand and squeezed it. It hit her that she was not only upset at what she was missing, but also seeing him so hurt. Her emotions were reflected in her shaky voice. "I saw this during the movie and then last night I dreamt about it. I dreamt that you and our children were just out of my reach. I couldn't find you, but I could hear you. Chuck, I'm so sorry that I can't remember. I can't believe I let this happen. I'm so sorry."

Her words snapped Chuck out of his thoughts. He looked at her and pulled her hand with his and pressed them to his chest. Chuck shook his head. "Don't you ever say that. You have no blame in this. Let's remember to keep the blame where it belongs and that's on Quinn. You saved me the only way you could. It wasn't your fault your memories were stolen."

"But Chuck, I was ready to have children. Me! Sarah Walker!" Sarah was crying now too. "And on one hand it seems so unbelievable to me, like an impossibility, but on the other, I mean…" Sarah had been gesticulating with her free hand as she talked, but now she stilled once again and turned to Chuck. "I mean, look at me, here with you, and I know it has just been a few days of me accepting this, but I feel it now, the love we have. I feel the connection with you, you're my husband, Chuck. My husband." Sarah's last word was almost at a whisper as she looked down at their joined hands which she had pulled to her lap while she was talking. "And naturally it's not such a big step from husband to father, wife to mother. I know this intellectually, but to realize that I was already there emotionally, well…it just seems like a really big step to me right now. I just wish I could remember, I just wish I was whole again and that it wasn't all taken away. Chuck, do you think we will ever get there again?"

Chuck didn't say anything at first. He dared not talk as he felt like if he attempted then he would just totally break down and he felt that he had to be strong for her. He held her for a while until his strength came back to him and he had a chance to organize his thoughts. "Sarah, I can't tell you I haven't despaired at times during these past few weeks. it's like we have spent the previous five years climbing up a steep hill and when we finally reached the apex and were about to enjoy the view, Quinn just came along and knocked us back to the bottom again. I wondered sometimes if we could find the strength to climb back up and do it all again." Chuck squeezed her closer to him as he continued. "But I know that it will be totally worth it, and I'll climb that mountain over and over if it means that I can be with you. I just had to convince you to go on the journey with me. And here you are." He kissed the top of her head. "We can do anything together Sarah, and we can find our way back to that place where we were before. And you know what? I think since we have been there before, we already know the way and we can get there faster this time." Chuck let out a short laugh. "I think I have stretched that analogy out as much as I can, but do you get what I am saying?"

Sarah smiled through her tears. "Yes, I do. And I am going to try, Chuck, I am. It's just so hard to accept that he took so much away. It's so hard just to let the pain and anger go." They lay together for some time until Sarah popped up. "Chuck, did we talk about it much? About having children?"

"We had talked about it some. I mean that was the final push, the main reason why we were moving out of the spy game and into something less dangerous. So we talked about it, but we really hadn't started really trying yet." Chuck sat up straight with a new thought. "Wait, let me show you something." It was Chuck's turn to get out of bed to retrieve something. He rose to his dresser and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out a small page ripped from a magazine and then he returned to his place next to Sarah on the bed. Sarah found herself looking at a Japanese advertisement with a hand drawn picture of a man and a woman holding a baby behind a picket fence.

"I drew this picture of us in front of our dream home with a baby, a baby we knew we would have."

Sarah traced the picture with her finger. This picture recalled something to her, something she couldn't place. "When did you draw this?"

Chuck looked over at her. "Do you remember it?"

Sarah shook her head. "I don't think so, it just seems familiar."

"I drew it on the train. Remember how I told you we were in Japan and you and Casey rescued me on the train?" Sarah nodded and so Chuck continued. "Well, you told me that you downloaded the intersect and I was worried and so we talked and our talk came around to the fact that we were ready to start a family and…" Chuck drifted off as he looked at the picture, remembering his time with Sarah on the train in the private car.

"And what?" Sarah questioned.

Chuck gave a short smile. "And we made love in the train car."

Sarah smiled at him and reached her hand on his neck rubbing her thumb softly against him.

They grew wistful for a moment, but then Chuck's smile tightened. "And afterwards, we sat together in bed and you were describing our future to me as I sketched this picture. You said you hadn't forgotten anything yet and we were both sure that the intersect would be out of your head in a matter of hours anyway. We were happy because we were so close to having everything come together. All our dreams were right there." They both looked at the picture once again. "We can get there again, I know we can. And we don't have to hurry or force it. Your memories will come or they won't, but regardless we can find our way together." Chuck kissed Sarah's forehead, and placed his free hand over both of Sarah's which were now clasped on her lap. As he did so, Sarah moved her bottom hand on top of his and rubbed softly over it. She continued to look at the picture as she puzzled a thought out.

"Chuck, I don't remember you drawing this, but the picture itself…" Her voice trailed off as she looked down at her hands enveloping his. "And our hands and maybe a sleep mask? I sometimes wear a sleep mask, at least when I have to sleep in the day if I have a mission at night or something. But what does this have to do with the picture."

"Sarah, are you telling me you remember that?" Chuck's voice had a twinge of excitement and his eyes were wide with hope as he looked at her. "Can you remember more? It's true, all those things you said, it involves a memory that we did. Can you try to remember?"

Sarah started slowly telling him the same things again. "I was wearing a sleep mask, rubbing your hands, and I looked at this picture." Her speech grew rapid as she started to recall more. "But I was sitting up and wearing the mask, not sleeping – I was wearing it as a blindfold?" Sarah questioned and Chuck nodded, encouraging her as she sat up straighter. "And you lifted it up and showed me this picture."

Chuck laughed with unrestrained glee. "Yes, Sarah, that's right! You do remember it! I showed this to you on the train!"

They wrapped each other in a tight hug. Sarah spoke as her chin rested on his shoulder. "Why was I wearing a blindfold, Chuck? I don't understand."

Chuck released her from their hug, his excitement dimming upon the reminder that the memory was a painful one for them. His face took on a sad smile as he softly moved his hands to Sarah's face, brushing her hair back off her cheeks. "Because of the intersect, Sarah. We had figured out that it was faulty and causing you pain, so Ellie had the idea to blindfold you so you wouldn't flash. And then Casey and I realized too, that you had already lost some memories. So we were scared and I took this picture out and showed it to you and asked if you knew it." Sarah moved her hands to Chuck's forearms as Chuck finished with the story. "And you did, you hadn't forgotten it yet. We were both so scared and we held hands sometimes as you sat there just as you remember. I was trying to download a program to wipe the intersect from your brain but the upload was slow and then the connection stopped. Everything we wanted was so close."

Their eyes were locked with one another and Chuck's hands still cupped Sarah's face as she ran her hands on his forearms. A weird mixture of feelings hung in the air. They were sad at what they lost and Chuck ached as he recalled the fear they both had felt in the train car. But there was happiness too that she remembered something. Overriding all of this was the connection they both felt at that moment. They shared their pain and they shared their happiness. Chuck drew his face down to her and rested his forehead against hers, their noses brushing against one another. After several moments, Sarah moved her body flush up against his and settled into his lap, her arms tightening around him. Sarah marveled as she parted her lips to meet Chuck's, she marveled at how she craved this connection with him. She marveled at how Sarah Walker, CIA agent extraordinaire, could be so in love so fast.


End file.
